Meghan Phelps-Roper calls it, Engaging the Other. Martin Luther King called it, his Dream. My husband might call it, Fighting Fair. Jesus called it Unity. I don’t care what you call it, but we NEED friends (yes, FRIENDS) on all sides of the table.

When my husband does something that gets under my skin, it’s usually because I don’t understand why he did it. When he tells the kids yes to something I would have said no to, it’s usually because he had a reason for it. Asking him why he did something and why he made a choice is always our doorway to understanding each other better. Once I understand him, even if we don’t always agree, our relationship becomes stronger and it makes our home more peaceful because at least I can see how he got there.

Can’t we do this with our friends, our peers, our colleagues? Jen Hatmaker recently said, “We are as lost from our own gospel as we’ve ever been while screaming at everyone else that we are the only ones “found”… Why would anyone listen to any of us?” I don’t entirely disagree with her. This just won’t work. Something is inherently wrong when a difference of opinion can provoke us to being blind to another’s humanity.

My heart bleeds knowing that in many ways we’re responsible for losing our own credibility. Unity doesn’t mean uniformity. Oneness doesn’t mean sameness. We can choose togetherness without always seeing eye to eye. Our life experiences that lead us to where we are politically, religiously, and culturally, are as unique as our fingerprints. Similar, yet vastly different. If we’re surrounded by people who only reinforce what we think we already know, we are doing ourselves, and our community, a huge disservice. We can do better, the world is watching.

Remember, when it comes to conflict, whoever LOVES the most, wins.