Nothing can prepare you for when your child makes the transition into adulthood. It’s hard. You don’t know what’s in or out of bounds anymore. You’re in straight up limbo. But you’re still a parent. It’s in you instinctively to guide and protect. But all of a sudden the absolute necessity to make adjustments is glaring in your face. So we can sulk and cry (actually, make sure you allot yourself some time to do that, it will make this process easier) or we can dig deep and become the support our kids need. And it’s so worth it. 

The heart aches in a way you’ve never experienced before in this season. The brutal reality is that you’re staring at a grown person but you don’t see the passage of time. You carry every memory that started with the womb so all you can see is your baby, even if you’re looking up at them. But to be fair, it’s not only hard. It’s quite wonderful as well. Getting to watch your kids come into their own, discover who they are and work hard at things that give them fulfillment is a high they don’t talk about enough. It’s absolutely thrilling. Nothing in this life’s made me beam with the kind of pride I feel watching them accomplish something they’ve set out to do or seeing them overcome. But these are still tough waters to navigate none-the-less. So I wanted to document a few things I’ve learned.

1. Meet them where they are.
2. Wait for the invitation.
3. Be their safest human.
4. Don’t make their body an idol. 
5. Surrender the outcomes.

Meet them where they are –

I can’t remember a single instance where this test did not hold up. The most practical example I have is music. In the most simple terms, I DO NOT LIKE THE MUSIC MY KIDS ENJOY…for the most part. There is almost always a new song or YouTube video they want to show me. And when I say show me, I mean they want me to stop everything I’m doing in a moment’s notice to give my undivided attention to said video and I need to love it the same way they do. I felt my last nerve giving out just writing that. But pay close attention cause I’m giving you free game here. DO IT. When I stop and dive into anything they’re passionate about it is ALWAYS a door into their heart. Simply listening to a song they like has been a segue to deeper conversations, many, many times. And that allows it to happen unforced and organically, just by a willingness to lean into their world. Meet them where they are.

Wait for the invitation –

The first year of our marriage we lived in Salina. My husband had a mentor named Jim Reynolds. We were at his home one night and I was admiring the display of all his children’s wedding photos. He was a parent to all married children with families. It was beautiful and it got me dreaming into the future. He walked over as I was looking at them and I asked him, “What’s the best advice you have in parenting adult children?” He said, “Don’t offer your opinions, wait for an invitation.” I thought that was GOLD and I’ve shared it many times over the years. Most of the time, my kids know my opinions. They know what I’m thinking quite often or what I would say. As they grow and learn and figure things out for themselves I don’t want to cross over that very thin line into overkill. Once you hit overkill, they don’t hear you anyways. There does come a point where we have to let go and trust God. With force comes resistance. So even if I know a better way to do something or want to interject with all the right words, sometimes it’s better to hold my tongue. One thing about giving them the tools is then letting them find their own way. Empowerment is championing who they are and how they do it, even if it’s not yours. Wait for the invitation.  

Be their safest human – 

With adulthood comes adult issues. They’re not learning how to share anymore. They’re learning how to date, how to choose a partner, how to steward their own hearts, and how to manage their responsibilities. It’s complicated and scary. If they’re processing ANY of these things with you, YOU WON. Seriously. Don’t take that for granted and consider yourself blessed. Chances are, you’ve done some things right already. But I encourage you, dear friends, tread these waters well. How we respond when they trust us with their soul will determine how many times we get the opportunity to. Don’t let your fears do the talking. Don’t lose control of your facial expressions. And lean against the initial discomfort that would make you want to retreat or react. This is holy ground. And if my child needs a space to process out loud and someone to do that with, I’d rather it be me than their 20 year old friend who doesn’t have any answers either. A little emotional intelligence partnered with a gentle tone will keep them safe and allow you to share your hard earned wisdom for many years to come. If we explode we risk losing this space with them altogether and that’s too high a price. Be their safest human.

Don’t make their body an idol – 

Now this is a big one, especially for Christian parents. I totally understand the sensitivity of this topic. I do. I have 2 grown daughters. I’m not out of touch with the vulnerability you feel watching little ladies grow into beautiful women. I’ll never forget being at the mall with them and watching, for the first time, a man do a double-take walking past them. You’re never ready for that or all the fears it brings to the surface. But I think we get a lot wrong here. As parents, we’ve had quite a journey in self-awareness. But I think we remain mostly unaware of how deep our fears go and how much they control us in this area. You may not like this, but their virginity is not my trophy, not my idol, and not my biggest concern. When we focus more on their behavior than we do on their heart, we work against the very thing we desire most. Wholeness. I want them to be whole. Allowing my fear to control me and displaying unmanaged emotion will project shame and send the wrong message about sexuality altogether. Sex isn’t bad. Sex is beautiful and God’s good gift to married people. Lust is bad. Lust is what hurts us and damages our soul. Money isn’t bad in and of itself. Money accomplishes many beautiful things in the world. It’s the love of money that’s bad and corrupts our soul. I don’t want to teach my children what to think, I want to teach them *how* to think. They need to know “Why” much more than they need to know “What.” I might be able to produce an obedient child while they’re under my roof…maybe. But that won’t necessarily produce a person who knows how to steward their behavior when they go off to college and I’m not around anymore. So I’d much rather pour into their heart, and deliver the wisdom I have skillfully. My job is to prepare them, giving them all the tools they need to make the best possible choices, and pray I’m emotionally healthy enough to support them if they find themselves heartbroken or dealing with the consequences of a bad decision. Amen? Amen. Don’t make their body an idol.

Surrender the outcomes –

One of the most significant things Cam ever helped me with was when our first daughter was leaving for college. I was terrified. She had always been under my wing and knowing she was going to be thrust into college life and making all kinds of independent decisions was so scary for me. That kind of freedom is the ultimate test and my mama heart felt every bit of it’s weight. I was talking to Cam one night and started crying and he told me something that gave me so much resolve. He said, “Selah will make choices. She will make lots of right choices. But even if she doesn’t make a good choice, it’s still important she has the opportunity to make them. Because we’ve put everything inside her we can, and it’s time for her to learn. And the learning will be good. Not trusting her with her own journey is dishonoring, and we’re not going to do that. Instead, we’ll be here whenever she needs us.” Are you crying? I am. Just typing that made me remember all the feels that came along with it. Long story short, our kids will make mistakes. They will fail. The reality of adulthood is I’m no longer responsible for all the choices my kids make. They are. We so often believe that every bad decision our kids make is a reflection of us. And that’s just about as self-centered as it gets. The truth is we’ll never be able to fully protect them from the bumps and bruises of life. But we can respond well and teach them to believe there is always hope and a future in the way we show up for them. Most of our hardship comes from a place of ownership. So teach them, empower them, then surrender the outcomes to Jesus. 

That doesn’t even begin to cover it, but I hope it helps someone. Grace and peace to you as you learn from parenting badly, and loving madly. We’re in this together.

We’re in the middle of a series at church called, From Church Hurt to Church Home, and man, it’s stirring up so much in my heart right now. My husband and I hold a deep passion to love people into healing and help restore hope in community. We’ve all been hurt, and most of us have been hurt by the church. We believe there’s value in acknowledging our pain and making room to process it, necessary even. But we also don’t want to camp out there or cling to our wounds because that can trick us into believing we have permission to quit church. And we simply can’t. There’s no biblical theology for that idea anywhere in scripture. We do see, emphatically however, that Jesus and the church are One. There is no other truth. He loves his Bride, relentlessly. He’s preparing a place for her now and is coming back to recieve Her, spotless and unblemished. And because of this holy and intimate love, it becomes our greatest desire to honor Him and live out the gospel. But it just plain hurts sometimes, and that’s real. People hurt us and we hurt people. But it’s okay. Because Jesus handles our messes pretty well.

Since this series began, I’ve been reading the letters to the seven churches in Revelation. Chapters one, two and three are so interesting because first, we get the most descriptive unveiling of the resurrected Jesus than anywhere else in the Bible. Then he takes the time in all of his glory to tell John to write specific messages filled with affirmations and rebukes to each church in the seven provinces in Asia.

These passages tell us he’s talking to the “angels” of the churches. Or messengers. So although we’re dealing with some harsh words, he’s not talking to the church members this way, he’s addressing the pastors, specifically. I’m troubled but also intrigued by this, so I can’t help but take a closer look.

Peter Scazzero says in his book, The Emotionally Healthy Leader, “The first and most difficult task we have as leaders is to lead ourselves. Why? Because it requires confronting parts of who we are that we prefer to neglect, forget, or deny.”

We also have a legitimate inner conflict. Because love covers. And we long to do that well. As believers we need grace and need to give grace. We forgive. We deal with each other gently. We turn the other cheek. We’re not to judge. And none of this becomes untrue as we dive into this exploration of healthy community. But we also can’t ignore what we see in Revelations 1-3.

Jesus is correcting his Church. Period. We also get a sobering glimpse into the pressures and persecutions that will come against the Bride in the last days. I don’t think we have any other choice but to pay attention. And as tempting as it is to get preoccupied with the details of how the end will play out, we can’t forget that Revelation is much more about the man behind the details.

There are such beautiful affirmations and prophetic implications throughout these chapters. So much so, we couldn’t get through them in a lifetime. But his strongest rebukes were for three things: passivity, immortality, and idolatry (greed). And he’s correcting us for compromising in these areas.

One thing we must remember when we’re the ones being corrected is, correction is not rejection. He disciplines us because he loves us. When the Lord corrects us it’s because he’s contending for our greatness and for our liberty. That we would walk in all that God has ordained for us. And that we would make choices that God would call great. And that he would agree with our choices.

“We matter. The choices we make matter. Every choice to forgive, to be kind, to be authentic, to open up our world and tell our secrets. These things change the cosmos. And not just inside you, but inside this whole created universe that we dwell within.” – Excerpt from The Heart of Man

What we do matters. But who we are matters much more. He’s coming back for a church worldwide that has kept herself as a prepared Bride. Spotless and full of glory, a church after His own heart. But this doesn’t just magically happen. He calls upon leadership who are intentional about cultivating these values and imparting them to God’s people. And these are things the resurrected Christ took time to highlight and talk about when he appeared to John on the island of Patmos. We simply can’t afford NOT to pay attention to what He had to say. It’s remarkable.

In chapter 2 verse 20, we hear of a woman named Jezebel. She became a leader in the church, she was given authority and taught that immorality was okay and was leading many astray. Jesus actually gave that church a powerful promise and said, “If you overcome that spirit, I’ll give you authority over the nations for a thousand years.” The significance of this is more than what meets the eye. He’s not telling them to overcome their unbelief and be born again, they’re already born again. He’s exhorting them to overcome the spirit of immorality, to be faithful, and not to compromise.

It’s not hard to see the parallels between the 7 churches addressed in Revelation and the church today. Passivity, immorality, and greed are still choking us, especially here in the West. And there’s no doubt about it, the church has real issues, but Jesus calls us His Bride. He assures in chapter one that He’s holding us in His hand. And He’s passionate about the one He loves. Many of us want to see change in the church, but there’s a huge difference between our own selfish motivations based in personal preference and true biblical convictions. And there’s wisdom in knowing the difference.

Job 5:17 says, “Behold happy is the man whom God corrects, therefore do not despise the chastening of the Almighty. For He bruises, but He binds up. He wounds, but His hands make whole.”

God calls His leaders to act differently. We’ve been entrusted with His most precious possession, His Bride. We can’t afford to not carry this responsibility with fear and trembling. No title and no position exempt us from the need of true accountability. Are you surrounded by a team who can speak into your life? Do you allow yourself to be truly known? None of us outgrow the need to be poured into. If we have a team around us that won’t call us out, then we have the wrong team. It’s hard work, and painful even, but living with an exposed heart and welcoming the voices of my trusted mentors and co-laborers are vital for keeping me on a safe path.

Francis Chan said in Letters to the Church, “ Joy comes as we stand among those Jesus has redeemed and get lost in a sea of worship, becoming fully a part of something sacred. Gathering with the Church should lead us to holy ground.”

A healthy church is a group of believers committed to doing the arduous work of community and getting along, even when it hurts. And the health of the community begins with the health of the leaders. May we not despise the hard stuff. It’s all part of the process.

Love covers. Love corrects. God is Love.

And Jesus and His Bride are One. Amen.

Most of you know, my dad is recently recovered from a bad case of Covid, and doing really well. We’re kind of blown away by all the love and prayers given when he needed them most. Thank you seems like too weak of an expression for our gratitude.

I’m going to share a personal story. And I want to give a bit of a disclaimer to begin. You might say I’m more open about my life than others, and I think that’s fair to say. But what you may not know is that I’ve felt a strong nudging from the Spirit to share in a more public way starting about 7 years ago when I was still single. I’ve wrestled with this for a long time and even questioned it. If it seems easy for me, it’s definitely not. The internet is a scary and judgmental place. So saying yes to that call is inviting both love and hate. Yet I do, because I have a deep conviction to. This is something both my husband and mentors know about me, and have blessed. So considering that, I’ll get back to my story.

About a month before my dad was hospitalized, I hadn’t talked to him for several months which hasn’t been uncommon most of my adult life. Living without the presence of one of your parents much of your life can create surprising triggers when you least expect them. I was in my car early one morning on my way to work at the church. I was alone, and it was around 8:30 am. Listening to a song, it made me think of my dad and I got emotional rather quickly. As tears began to fall, I started praying for him. I was kind of shocked at how wrecked I was. I’m a crier anyway, but I just lost all control and couldn’t even understand the depth of pain it brought to the surface that ordinary morning. I went ahead and pulled over because I had to let this wave of grief roll through and gather myself. As I cried and prayed (and by praying, I mean mostly just sobbing) the Lord whispered to me, “Is there anything I haven’t given you?” I was so surprised by this question. But I mustered through my tears, “No, Lord.” I continued crying as I pondered what He asked…then He asked me again, “Is there anything I haven’t given you?” In that moment I truly didn’t understand but I submitted, “No, Lord… there’s nothing you haven’t given me.” And as soon as I answered Him the second time, I felt so intensely the Spirit say, “Then release him.”

Now this ushered in a sense of shock and even more buckets of tears. I was initially confused because I knew in my heart I had forgiven long ago. I thought I had done the soul work and laid down my expectations and desires and truthfully believe I love and accept him as he is. So I wasn’t aware of anything that needed “released.” But in submitting to God’s infinite wisdom, I began to make that my confession and I said over and over, “I release him. I release him, Lord. I release him.”

Jesus is so patient and kind. He sat with me for a while in all my big feelings. When the storm in my heart settled a bit, I heard Him one last time. He gently said, “I want you to tell him he was a good father.” My make-up was already done for the day but now I was starting from ground-zero again and in a weepy mess. My thoughts went wild. WHAT?!!! Why? Why would you tell me to do that? SO. MANY. THOUGHTS. But in the holy sanctuary of my Ford, Escape, the Lord reminded me, as he had before, that my dad gave us the best of himself. He wasn’t an evil father who withheld any love or good from us. He was a man with only a cup to pour out, and I was a daughter with a gallon to fill up.

The Lord, in His goodness, keeps inviting me to a more abundant life, free from the weight of heartache, bitterness and void. And He never fails in setting up opportunities to provide the love and grace He’s always provided me. So I knew in that moment of resounding clarity that my answer was an absolute Yes! So I asked the Lord for an opportunity to see or talk to my dad. Low and behold, not even a week later, we received something he needed in the mail, and were able to get a hold of him, and just like that, I rode with my mom to drop it off the next day.

I met him in the street that evening right after the sun had set. It was so good to see his face and know he was alive and well. We hugged and said the normal greetings and then, when I had his attention, I looked him in the eyes and said, “I want you to know you were a good dad. You were a lot of things I needed and I appreciate everything you’ve ever done for me.” His eyes were wider than I ever remember them. There were some solemn moments of silence and space. Then he said, “I never knew what I had until it was gone.” It took a lot for us both to keep it together, or so it seemed, but we did somehow. Even though a little awkward, he continued on to more comfortable ground and told me about his health and what he’d been up to. He quickly wrapped it up and back into the house he went.

About 3-4 weeks later I got a call from a nurse at St Francis letting me know my dad had been admitted the night before and wasn’t in good condition. The next 3 days that followed were a blur and I was told to prepare for the worst case scenario. The last conversation I had with him before his stability plummeted, he asked me to tell everyone I could and for prayer. I sensed in my spirit his request was a deep soul cry for someone to care. I did so immediately, yet his condition took even another plunge. But only 24 hours after that, we dared to hope in what was nothing short of a miraculous turn around. Dad was at the highest level of oxygen they can give before intubation when his body stabilized and even began to etch closer every few hours to normal levels.

This terrible case of Covid-19 is only one of a few brushes with death my dad has lived through. And I shared all of this to ask that you would pray for him again, but from my heart this time. You see, the Lord’s given me dreams about His plans for my dad. Good, good plans. And with every snare of the enemy I watch him overcome, I can feel some kind of fierce war cry from within start leaning in harder and praying more boldly for the soul of the man who brought me into this world. So I invite you to pray with me tonight, as I pray for not only mine, but for all the ones we carry promises for. It’s good and healthy to remind Jesus (but mostly ourselves) of the ones He’s named and called His own. It’s a powerful practice to remember who God sent His very own Son for. We are here for much more! And in this unique moment in time, I can see the world as a stage being set for possibly the greatest move of God’s Spirit the world has ever seen.

Father God promised Jesus everything. Jesus asked for us…and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it! Amen.

I was standing in line at the post office about a year ago and I could feel the presence of the woman behind me. We had locked eyes a couple times and swapped smiles. I didn’t know what the attraction was but I could feel it. She soon tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Would you pray for me?” I was delighted by her request and I said, “We’re sisters, aren’t we?” With kind eyes, she simply said, “Yes we are.”

Her name was Sara. She had a beautiful accent and told me she was from Kenya, she had been here in the US for 4 years. When I asked her what we could pray about, she said she didn’t want to project the bitterness she felt from being a single mother onto her son. Wow. What a sincere cry from the heart and one God knew I could deeply relate to.

Motherhood is not oppression.

I feel like someone needs to hear this today. Motherhood isn’t always easy. Matter of fact, it may be one of the hardest things we ever do, but it’s not oppression. I had children in the best of circumstances and in the worst. And I remember the loneliness and frustration of parenting alone during my single mom years. It’s real. But it’s so important we don’t count the sacrifice and difficulty as something that’s holding us back from a better future.

God, in His infinite wisdom, seen fit to make you a mother. And as a mother of 6, I often feel spread so thin, I silently pray for grace to get through the moment. But in His sovereignty, considering all the other incredible plans He has for you, saw fit for motherhood to be your best training ground or environment to learn and grow into all the other beautiful things He has for your life.

If you’re raising a child alone, I honor you. Right here and now, I bow my head and lift you up because I know this isn’t how you expected or hoped it would be. But I also want to remind you, you’re not alone. God is with you, and far closer than He seems most days. Those children of yours are a gift. So as you’re tucking them in tonight after dinner, baths and homework, look at them and remember, you can’t reach your destiny without them. You are blessed and endowed with everything you need for the journey. And even the hardest days are all part of the process.

One of the teams were out on one of the coldest nights during the winter storm. They were actually driving to check in about 7 more guests into hotel rooms. Gwen and Sug took a wrong turn through a parking lot and noticed a small tent pitched on the side of a building. Sug was compelled to check it out just to make sure no one was inside. But there was. Jimmy was inside, he’s the one standing next to me in the picture. His fingers were blue and he was shivering uncontrollably. He had everything he owned stacked around him trying to stay warm, but failing. Sug began asking him questions to see if he wanted shelter, Jimmy answered but was in somewhat of a stupor thinking he was dreaming. He willingly got in the car and into a room, and soon got warm enough and regained coherence. Sug packed all of his stuff and even rode his bike across the street in the snow so he didn’t lose any of his belongings. He was so, so grateful. And I can’t help but think what could have happened to him that night.

Jimmy is just one story. There are so many. And all of them changed me, deeply. Several of them got to come to church on Sunday and Jimmy told me after service, “He was on cloud nine being there with us.” Anthony, the other one in the picture, went up for prayer during service and just gripped onto Cam so tight. He didn’t have words, just a tangible grief. Cam held him, praying a little, but mostly just sitting with him in the pain. It was utterly beautiful and a total honor to behold.

I’ve been wanting to write every day since this ended. But I couldn’t. My family needed me to slow down and just be with them. And I’ve needed time to sit quietly before the Lord to process the whole experience. Still, it seems almost too soon and too sacred to put a pen to. And I don’t believe words will do it justice. I’ve also been wanting to share with each and every one of you, as a gift and offering to the city of Wichita for all the ways you wrapped your arms around our brothers and sisters on the street. I wanted to give you at least a glimpse of the magnitude your contributions accomplished. This whole experience was holy ground. Truly. The kind of thing I need to take my sandals off just to talk about.

Getting to know them, over the course of 10 days, gave me a unique kind of joy. Going door to door, serving meals and connecting with each soul is something you can’t describe. You can’t even tell it. They checked out Monday and the whole day weighed heavy on my heart. I felt such concern for their well-being, like I would for my own children. It just hurt. I know getting them out of the sub-zero temperatures was important. It mattered. And it was worth it. But I can’t help but think what God’s wildest dreams are for them. He loves them, and not one of them goes overlooked or unnoticed. They’re his sons and daughters. And He sees. He knows. And He cares. I find myself wide open to go on new journeys to the deep places of His heart for his children without shelter.

I’m pretty sure I already knew this, but it’s clearer now. Only a couple of things will really matter when it’s all said and done.

-Did you learn how to love?
-And how well did you serve the least of them?

Fancy buildings, ministry titles, and even casting out demons won’t mean anything when we stand before the throne. The size of our congregations, our prophetic words, and even our greatest accolades won’t be on our minds when we see Jesus face to face.

I believe it will only be,

-Did I learn how to love?
-And how well did I serve the least of them?

May we never forget what we carry in our heritage and spiritual DNA. To love, protect and defend the widow, the orphan, the foreigner, the marginalized, and the ones who everyone else has thrown away. It’s who we are and the thing we must not forsake. We can’t build doctrines around scripture if we have to throw away the life Jesus lived to do it. He fulfilled the law, so we have to pay close attention to how he did that. And from what the gospels tell us, he did it with scandalous grace and an unwavering love that covered all of our depravity and broke all the rules.

I dare you to trust again that eternity is within our reach. The kingdom is now, on earth as it is in heaven. All He needs is our ‘yes,’ even when it’s too big to understand. He does the heavy lifting and brings all the pieces together. It’s amazing what can happen when we mobilize and take the risk of jumping in. Riding this unplanned wave of the Spirit was hard work, but awaiting us on the other side was an explosion of grace that impacted a whole city. It reminds me of an African Proverb: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”

Amen. Thank you Wichita.

Hello friends and family of 316!

In 2019 Stephanie and I spent the whole year leaning into life and service at 316, “equipping the saints for the work of service to the building up of the body of Christ.” This year, 2020, has been very different because of COVID. But the work hasn’t decreased, only increased. However, it looks quite different now and we’re making the necessary adjustments. 

One thing this year has taught us, among other things, is that there is a lot we can do through online platforms. Way more even, than we once realized. From face-to-face zoom calls, conferences, online classes, individual sessions for equipping and healing and prayer, and so on. And although nothing beats being with each other physically, the need for discipleship and training is needed now more than ever. Truthfully, the individual needs of the people are at an all time high. Everyone in this country has been hit with a level of grief from the tension and uncertainty and it’s brought forth waves of emotion that can be heard and felt. The need to show-up in an effective way is greater than we’ve ever imagined. 

Looking to 2021, our team recognizes the value and need to upgrade all of our production/technology equipment. What we currently have has served us well up to this point, as most of our teaching and training has been in-person. But times have changed.

The 316 Church technology upgrade would allow us to do what we do whether we can be there in-person or not. It will allow us to offer discipleship and training resources in video format and/or online class format. In January of 2021 we’re launching The 316 Church App that will be available for download on any Apple or Android device, and on it, we are building and offering all classes planned for 2021 which are, but not limited to:

-Together Forever, A Marriage Workshop

-Starting Point, A New Members Class

-All Next Step Courses which include:

• Health topics
• Bible Book studies
• Finance topics
• Relationship topics (Divorce, Communication, Fighting Fair, etc) 
• Deep Dive into the Prophetic

-Plus, any teaching and training we are continually developing. 

Our church app will allow you to stay more connected than ever. Stephanie and I are hoping it can bring a sense of community back to those who’ve been out for an extended period of time. There will be a ‘Pastor’s Corner’ where you will get regular messages from us. With a single click, you will be able to watch every sermon recorded in our database. There will be a prayer request section where you can list anything on your heart and it will come directly to Steph and I, and we’ll spend time every Tuesday and Thursday praying over those needs. You will get all of our live streaming directly from the app, meaning, you don’t have to have any social media accounts to be able to tune in. There will be an events page to keep you notified of what’s happening next and so much more! 

We love and miss you all, and in spite of the distance between us, we’ve been praying for and working hard on a solution that will help us serve ALL of The 316 community, not just those who can show up when the doors are open. Especially, as we’ve grown outside of the city of Wichita with community members in Dodge City, Texas, Arizona, Louisiana and several other places. And we believe this is the solution. The grief of not being able to be with you all or sufficiently meet many needs has caused overwhelming pain at times and we really believe our app and tech upgrade will help bridge that gap. 

What we need:

1. New computer for sound booth $2000
2. Sound board $1500
3. ATEM Mini (used for video production and streaming) $500
4. 2 Cinema cameras (for production and recording) $2200
5. Pro Presenter 7 (worship media software) $875
6. Editing/Graphic Design Laptop $1000
7. Final Cut Pro (editing software) $900
8. Water Baptism Pool $1000

For a total budget of: $9975.00

We’re simply inviting you to prayerfully consider giving towards this opportunity. I’ve calculated that if 50 people would each donate just $199.50, our budget would be met entirely. But of course, however you feel led to give would be an extreme blessing. 

Thank you so much for your support and prayers. May the Lord continue to keep you in peace and hope in abundance by the power of the Holy Spirit.

For donation information, please text “the316churchgive” to 77977 OR click here: https://pushpay.com/g/thethreesixteenchurch

Please be sure to select “technology” in the Fund drop-down box instead of “tithes & offerings” so we can be sure your donation goes to the right place.

God is love,

Pastor Cam

With so many hot topics and swirling messages, we thought it was important to share our thoughts on the political climate. Our goal, at the end of the day, is to pastor your hearts well. This election cycle isn’t entirely different than all the others. But in our new age of social media, the level of tension is without a doubt, higher. It’s such a noisy world these days. We no longer only have the news to rely on for all the latest info, we now have multiple apps waiting to be opened where we can listen to our co-workers, former teachers, closest relatives, and barely made acquaintances spewing out every thought that comes to mind and statistics they just read. And while this is now part of culture as we know it, we’d like to share with the 316 and beyond, the body of Christ who represent His heart and His kingdom in this world.

We’ve heard Christians who can’t support Trump say they feel outcast and more alone than ever. We’ve talked to Democrat brothers and sisters, mature in their faith, who vote with deep and sincere conviction. A couple of our Liberal friends taught us one of the greatest lessons in love a few years ago. Their heart and compassion for others was simply stunning to behold. We’ve listened as our Republican friends who endorse Trump say they feel so incredibly judged they’re afraid to share openly at all. We’ve talked to Republicans who are pro-choice and Democrats who are pro-life. There are some who lean left not crazy about wearing masks, and others leaning right who deeply value the Covid mandates. We’ve talked to a few who feel so discouraged by current propaganda, they’re choosing not to vote at all, which has also been a hard choice for them. You might be able to guess by now, this could go on and on forever. If we’re being deeply honest, humans are way too complex to fit entirely into one box. I’m not making light of any of the weighty issues. We wrestle over them as much as the next person. But we have come to accept that no matter which way you lean, or how passionate you are, in most cases, we don’t fit fully inside one candidates agenda.

Cam and I are not recommending you disengage either. We have our own well considered votes that we plan to contribute. But one thing we’ve grown in over the last several years, is intentionality in seeking to understand those we don’t agree with. It’s changed us deeply. Not necessarily our core values, but our capacity to understand that there are paradigms built by life experiences and contexts we might never comprehend. A lens, if you will, we simply don’t have. It exposes our blind spots and we’re extremely grateful for that. We have many. These paradigms shape every thought and core belief we hold dear, and they’re as sacred to us as our race and place of origin. So yes, by all means, vote if that feels important to you. Make the best decision you can with the most information you can find. But let’s also realize we’re often grossly over-confident in our flimsy opinions and ever-developing world views. And as brothers and sisters in Christ, we must regard each other more important than our points. “We wrestle not against flesh and blood.”

We’re being bamboozled, and we’re taking the bait. We’ve been as guilty as the next. On Netflix’s new documentary, The Social Dilemma, an ex-Facebook executive tells us, “There’s always a reason something is free. If you’re not paying for the product, YOU ARE THE PRODUCT.” Over the last 10 years or so, there’s been a steady progression of our minds and culture being utterly altered by this media era. It’s caused us to divide and make an enemy out of anyone with a different point of view. We’ve become so good at choosing a side, then we carefully construct our walls to keep the insiders, in, and the outsiders, out. We don’t break bread and share our thoughts and ideas over the table of friendship, we just launch them like grenades into the abyss of online users and hope to take out as many as we can with one shot. Of course, some will cast their stones anyway… but if you must, remember those same stones have a way of finding their way back to your house and home.

For that reason alone, (and we could think of a lot more reasons) we ought to be kinder. More open. More gentle. More loving. More forgiving. More embracing. Less offended by opposing opinions, and especially the people who hold them. We’re not asking you to forsake your convictions or values, we’re asking you not to hate, or judge, or categorize your fellow brother and sister for landing in a different place. Who are we to assume they arrived there frivolously? Can we pay close attention to the language we use and the way we communicate? We do that in our own homes to honor the people we love. We practice it everyday. The sad part is not that we have wildly different ideas about things, but the mirror it provides to what’s going on in our hearts and what’s happening to our society.

Jesus showed us another way. Our friend Chris wrote, “Spend time at his feet, gaze at him through the gospel stories and remember who he was in the flesh. Remember his kindness. Remember the things he fought against, and the WAY that he fought them. Remember his humility. Remember his clarity. Remember his sacrifice. Remember his ways. His ways are not our ways. His works will RARELY (if ever) be accomplished the way we think they will be or should be.” Wow. These are such important truths to ponder.

The early church couldn’t have possibly agreed on all fronts. Can you imagine the passionate disagreements the 12 disciples must have had? To circumcise, or not to circumcise? If only we could have been a fly on the wall. If Pontius Pilate was up for election, their votes would have surely been divided. There had to have been differing opinions over the next Ceasar to rule. But we see much more clearly in scripture they had their hope set on a much greater kingdom with a much greater King. Our charge wasn’t to agree, but to live unified in love. This is how we show the world we are His disciples. This is how we accomplish unity and diversity. We love when it hurts. We love when we don’t agree. We love when we’re misunderstood. We love when it feels like we can’t anymore. We love. Indefinitely and always.

The great, late, Ravi Zacharias said, “Unity doesn’t always mean uniformity.” We have work to do. Holy Spirit makes what seems undoable, doable. Thank God we have His help.

Let’s look higher, together. Amen? ….. Amen.

1 Corinthians 12:12-31

Have you ever had one of those moments where you think, “I should really get back to ______.” You can fill in the blank for whatever that is for you. Maybe it’s painting, crafting, changing out of your sweats everyday? Judge me. Well, among other things, for me, it’s writing. I had no idea it had been a year until my grandmother re-posted my last blog, but I had thought about it many, many times.

Wow. For anyone who cares, please forgive me. I spent the last year growing a new family member, which is a really good excuse if you ask me.

I’m so happy to pause again and reflect on the goodness of God over the last year. It’s unreal to think that next month will be our 2 year Anniversary since we started Sunday services, and 3 years since we began meeting as the 316 community. This has been such a wild and fulfilling ride. If I had to choose one thing I’ve learned more over all others, it would be how in love Christ is with His Bride. I have a new love for her myself and hold her in a sacred place in my heart. I will forever be grateful to 316 for giving me that revelation deeper than I’ve ever known.

Since the last few months of pregnancy, I’ve taken a step back. Which has been both hard and good. Really leaning into our home life and being present with the kids has been my goal. And even though taking my hands off of things at church is challenging, it’s been a great time of dreaming and seeing what God has in store for the future. I feel like an architect in this season. I can see spiritually all the plans being laid out and how things will work together when it’s time to break new ground. I’m stirred deeply to journey with 316 in the prophetic, while Cam’s apostolic nature always seems 10 steps ahead of everything. And together, we desire to dive deep into the work of racial reconciliation. It’s a true joy to be alive and in Christ alongside him.

In Cam and I’s first year of marriage, we lived in Salina, KS. We did campus ministry and he was pastoring in a couple of different roles already. But he had carried the 316 deep in his heart before it ever had a name or took form. As we enter year 3 as a church I find myself thinking about those nights in Salina. I would wake in the middle of the night and find my husband praying on the side of the bed, sometimes writing things down in his notebook, and stirring so much with plans and anticipation. I was so ambivalent in the beginning. But there was something growing inside him and I knew it was God’s will to bring it forth. I’d never seen anyone go through something like that before. I never watched up close and personal someone carry a vision so sacredly.

If there was a way to talk to him out of it, I certainly tried early on. I can now say with all my heart, I’m so glad I couldn’t. I would ask him constantly what he was doing up all night and to my amazement he would have entire team building strategies written down, along with very intentional ways to accomplish unity and diversity. One morning I woke up and he had an entire method of discipleship on paper. There was really no end to his prayerful consideration for this thing inside him. He held this seed tightly in his heart, and sat with Jesus for hours upon hours asking Him to grow it.

We both shared a passion for unity and diversity. ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN. We knew a truly unified church that crossed cultural and racial walls was our greatest hearts desire. As impossible as it seemed, we walked every step of it out knowing God was going to do it. One of the things we knew had to happen, was to be diverse from the top down. We had to be that which we seek. To say we want diversity but not reflect it in leadership is something we believe hinders many communities with a sincere desire for it. We also started intentionally driving this vision into every meeting we had together. To this day, when we have our Tuesday meal followed by a simple bible study, we start out by saying that all points of view are welcome, that it’s okay to disagree, and that no matter what we discuss at the table, we leave as friends. Because although we may see things differently, we can all agree that we have been reconciled to God through Jesus Christ, and this means we are family.

Unity doesn’t always mean uniformity. Unity is our choice and mission. It’s motivated by Love and fueled by the Spirit. It is God’s will for his church. IT. IS. POSSIBLE. And it matters so much. Especially in a racially divided nation.

Through our years in church, Cam and I both have been members of all black churches and all white churches. Growing up I went to a Mexican church where the entire service was done in Spanish, not even speaking Spanish myself. You don’t have to be very observant to see that there is a great divide. So if we take an honest look at ourselves and the church, just in our lifetime alone, I think we can acknowledge that as a whole, we haven’t done the work of racial reconciliation. We haven’t done unity and diversity well. Talking church and race can be an intimidating topic. It’s a sensitive issue, and a real issue. But whether we like it or not, the church must lead the way in this if we want to see real change in our communities and world.

Cam and I were recently invited to Sterling University to speak to the students and spend a few days with them. Sterling is a very small town with only a single stop light. It’s safe to say it’s not a very diverse place, and even more so if you’re not on campus. On our last day there, the president of the college and his team asked for a Q and A session with us over lunch. One of his questions was, “How can we accomplish unity and diversity organically?” Isn’t this such a rich and honest question? And even more encouraging to know presidents of Universities are asking it. But we believe that as much as we all want it to happen organically, we have to be really intentional. We just have to. We must do the ground work. We have to lay the right foundation for it. We have to set the stage, if you will. If we want people from every culture, nation, and race to come together and be willing to do life together, we have to be intentional about tilling the right soil for that garden. Because we naturally cluster with those we most understand, with who we’re most alike. That’s okay, it is what it is. But stereotypes will only end, where relationships begin. And the opportunities for relationship are literally all around us.

The church is supposed to be a place of healing. The church is meant to have a distinct voice in the world around it. But so often, we are the opposite. At times, we’ve actually brought a lot more pain into this conversation. I think one of the biggest places we go wrong is when we look for the answer in government or politics, and not in the message of Jesus. Politics and the gospel are two totally different starting points in finding unity and diversity. Politics are designed to divide us because it forces us to choose a side. What continues to happen is much of our worldview, and even sadder, our theology is getting wrapped up in our lens of political affiliation, instead of our affiliation with Christ. Jesus HAS to be the center. He has to be the beginning, the middle and the end of this mission, or we will always go wrong in loving one another.

Peter walked and talked and spent time with Jesus on a regular basis, all throughout the book of Acts when some of the most amazing outpourings of God’s Spirit were taking place. And he still missed the message that the gospel was for everyone. Which means we aren’t going to get heaven-on-earth communities by accident. We have to be intentional and do the work. We can’t lead people anywhere we’re not willing to go personally. The church we see in the book of Acts what a multi-cultural, multi-generational, multi-people group church. And we want our congregations and communities to look more like the throne room with each passing day. 

It’s so exciting to be part of the biggest blended family on earth. And an honor to partner with the Holy Spirit to represent it well. I can’t even imagine all God has in store for us in the future but we’re here for it. We are so thankful for The 316 community for committing themselves to each other and doing the hard work. It’s an honor to be on this journey with you.

This is the best life.

“Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.”

-John 13:34-35 (MSG)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was around 13 years old. I was going to be in my first Quinceanera. My mother couldn’t afford an expensive dress, so my grandmother sent us to a woman she knew. As we pulled up to this home, I remember my wheels started turning. I had never been to such a small house before. As we walked in we met a kind and pleasant woman and her four children. This woman was Luz. She couldn’t speak english and we couldn’t speak spanish, so her daughter helped us communicate. Luz was a talented seamstress. Her hands were gifted. As we went inside I was observing a lot. I was too young to totally understand what I was feeling, but old enough to know my compassion was triggered. Luz lived in a 1 room house with her 4 babies. No, I didn’t say 1 bedroom. I said 1 room. Her one room had 3 beds, a portable closet, a couple dressers, and one corner of the room was her work station. She had an organized sewing area. Off to the side was a very small room with a toilet and a shower, along with a very small kitchen. What I didn’t know at that time, was that Luz was an illegal immigrant. She sewed her fingers off to provide for her children and was always happy, willing, and prompt to do any work given to her. After many years of hard work and struggle, Luz landed a big break. Day after day she’d be up and ready at 7 am with all 4 kids in tow. She would go door to door, business to business. She would walk in and say, “I can work, I can sew! Will you let me sew for you?” Many years she was sent away by irritated people who simply had no time to be bothered with her. Until one day a well known local business owners wife had mercy on her. She hired her for a small job and was so impressed, she hired her to do their biggest jobs. I can’t think of anyone more qualified or deserving.

This was the beginning of my grandmother’s work at United Methodist Urban Ministries and Catholic Charities. She worked as an advocate to help illegal immigrants receive their citizenship until she retired. During her time as an advocate she helped countless people and families in a variety of situations. She went to court with them, to the doctor, helped fill out paperwork and so on.

My grandmother has always been hardworking. She will be 80 this December. To this day, she hasn’t sat down. Everyone who knows her, knows she’s a doer. She gets things done. But it wasn’t until I sat down with her recently that I understood just how much she did. I spent hours listening to stories from her years as an advocate. I asked her how she was able to do it. Just hearing about the intense hardship and bitter struggle so many of them suffered was more than I could handle. She said, “God helped me.” She shed tears as she had to think about that question. She remembered so many times she had to be stern and not let them fall into hopelessness. She would pray with them, lift up their chin and firmly say, “You have to keep going. You don’t have to be afraid. God is with you. Now get up, your family needs you.” So often, that was all they needed, and enough to keep them going.

At one point in her career she was given the top floor of an office to use in any way she thought best. So she started classes. All kinds of them. Any class that was required to gain citizenship she began teaching in this building. She taught English as a Second Language, Parenting Class, Finance, and more. At one point so many classes were running, her higher-ups came to her concerned, telling her she needed to stop doing so much. She shared with me the story of a young mother, Maria. Maria had been here for a few years and was raising children. In the ESL class, my grandmother taught all of the people to say, “Please speak slowly.” That way, when they had doctor appointments or any kind of interaction they had a better chance at understanding and communicating. Maria came to class one day, so overcome with emotion and eager to tell her story. She went to the doctor that day and did exactly what grandma taught them. She looked the receptionist in the eye and said, “Please speak slowly.” The receptionist was kind and said, “Of course.” It was the first time in years she was able to communicate and could understand the whole conversation. That one simple tool was the biggest game changer of her life. Maria told my grandma through tears, “When I left, I wanted to beat my chest. I felt like I could do anything!” It was such a simple but huge victory for her. She left beaming and full of hope.

I don’t know what you think about when you hear the word immigrant. I don’t know what you visualize in your minds eye. But when I think of them, I see the faces of Luz and Maria, these friends turned family. I don’t see criminals. I see people who desperately need a hand, people who need hope and love, and people who have so much to offer our communities and world. I asked my grandmother if she had to place a percentage on the number of illegal immigrants who were granted legal status during the time she worked with them, what would it be? She said between 40-50%. She said they always showed up early, came to every appointment, and worked hard daily at becoming legal. Finally I asked how many were genuine, hardworking people willing to do anything for a better life? What would that percentage be? She said over 90%. Wow. I asked, “Well, what about the bad people? The criminals? How many are just looking for a hand out?” She said only 5%. She said 90% were hardworking, 5% couldn’t work because of medical conditions or disabilities, and only 5% she had trouble with. My hope in writing this is to give you a new lens to look through you may not otherwise have.

Every night before my husband comes to bed, he walks through the house and checks on all the kids. He makes sure every door is locked and things are where they should be. He goes through a process, if you will, to ensure our safety. Just like my husbands desire to protect us, every administration carries that responsibility for the American people. I can understand that. I can respect that. I honor that. But what I can’t do is come into agreement with the separation of families as a just punishment for crossing the border. Especially for the hurting and vulnerable. These precious people are oppressed and have no answers. They don’t need more pain or condemnation. They need an out stretched hand.

I’ve never been hungry or in the streets. I’ve never not been able to feed my children. I’ve never had to make a decision between life or death. But when I engage my imagination and put myself in those scenarios, the mother’s heart inside me would stop at nothing to put food in my child’s mouth or to provide for them. I’ve prayed and cried. Cried and prayed. I’m crying out for wisdom. I know we need order. But this isn’t the way.

Pro-Lifers, this is our time to shine. We fight for the unborn but won’t for brown babies in cages because we can’t detour from our political bandwagons. Politics are one thing. Humanity is another. This is a humanitarian crisis happening before our eyes. You don’t have to hate Trump, be a Democrat, Liberal, or a Leftist to hate this. I am none of that. Only human. In the gospels, Jesus walked around day after day offending the mind to reach the heart. It happened to every religious leader of his day. If you can look at the images of these children and hear the cry of the afflicted and have a pre-planned black and white answer in your back pocket, I beg you to pause and re-examine. There is irreversible damage being done as we speak. It’s not okay. The fact that children are separated from their parents in the US is NOT a valid argument. These are loving parents, fighting to give their children better. We can’t lump them in the same category as drug users, manipulators, and real criminals. It’s in our spiritual DNA to respond to these cries with attention, love and mercy. I don’t recognize who we are right now. It hurts.

Heidi Baker said, “It is a privilege beyond price to see the joy and affection of the Holy Spirit poured out like a waterfall on people who have known so much severe hardship, disappointment and bitter loneliness in their lives. Throughout the world we see ravenous desire for God among the poor and lowly. Jesus knows their suffering, and He will make it up to them. He will be their God, and they will be His people. He will use them to shame the wise and make the world jealous of their wealth toward Him.”

They are the poor and lowly. They are the least of these. They are the widows and orphans in trouble. They are the people we profess to love and pray salvation for. I ask you, how will we ever love our enemies if we can’t even love our neighbors?

Jen Hatmaker said, “While immigration remains complicated, this new “zero tolerance” policy is cruel, inhumane, and wicked.”

What do I think? I think it’s easy to see the speck in someone else’s eye, and hard to see the log in our own. We can do better. And it matters so much.

I will leave you with one last story. When my grandma was with Catholic Charities, there was an office wing where all the nuns worked. It was no secret that the sisters had money that could be used for various programs. But it was up to them how it would be used. Grandma always wanted to ask but didn’t know them personally and was unsure of how to do it. As she went deeper in the trenches and seen the growing need, she knew she needed to ask for a portion. So one day, she courageously walked into their office prepared to request and defend what she was asking for. The nun at the front desk routinely asked, “What’s your name?” When she responded, “Rosa Cruz,” the sisters enthusiastically and passionately said, “Rosa! YOU’RE Rosa Cruz?!! Thank you, thank you Rosa for what your doing for the people! We hear so much about you! Thank you for your love. Thank you for what your doing!” My grandma was embarrassed and shocked. Her name had gone before her and the way the immigrants loved her was known. The sisters granted her $700 a week. It might not sound like much, but this was a huge blessing. Everything counted. She was so humbled that day. She can’t even speak of that experience without crying. Now is the time to be the Rosa Cruz in someone’s life. I hope we will all take that plunge.

Want to help? Like, now?

Click the post below and scroll down for four easy steps to contact your senators and reps. Script included so you’ll know exactly what to write or say on the phone. Resistbot takes this down to a four minute process. Let’s flood our senators’ inboxes and voicemails.

https://momastery.com/blog/2018/05/30/lawmakers/

Also, Baby2Baby is taking donations to get essentials to the children that need them. You can find them on Facebook or online at baby2baby.org.

Lastly, there is a protest being hosted by Lydia L. on Saturday, June 30th, meeting at City Hall in Wichita, KS at noon. Please consider joining.

I want to dedicate this article to my grandmother, Rosa Cruz, a faithful servant. Thank you for being the hands and feet of Jesus and teaching us well. I love you.

Cam and I got back from Arizona on Sunday, April 29th. It was such a blessing to have a team in place to make sure everything ran smoothly. As Cam previously mentioned, it’s common in church plants for everything to fall on just 1 or 2 people. So, we consider it a high honor to have so many willing members to help in all the ways you do. We don’t take you for granted.

We just finished a series called Be Still and Know. It was a great 4-part sermon highlighting Trust, Rest, Waiting, & Faith. Myself and Jordan taught the last 2 parts of this series. It was a treat to hear from others and also nice for Pastor Cam to be able to sit down for a couple weeks. Last Sunday, we started a new series called Order My Steps. Pastor Cam is back to teach this one, and we’re looking forward to the rest of it.

As a church still in our first year, we’re learning and experiencing a lot together for the first time. In the early morning hours of April 22nd, Carmelo Casanova fell asleep, and woke up face to face with Jesus. He was a precious and spunky 12-year-old boy who waited 9 months on the heart transplant list in hopes to receive a new one, and we loved him as our very own. We were always so in awe of Carlos & Elena. Carmelo’s parents gave him the best 12 years any child could ask for. They’re dedicated parents and some of the best people we know. They had a resolve about them that was totally inspiring. They faced each challenge together, and never left his side. They also had the best support system any two people could wish for. We have much to learn from their entire extended family. They’ve exemplified valuable lessons in love and togetherness. We’re so grateful Carlos and Elena have their friends and family. We’re so thankful they never felt alone. Casanovas & family, as your lives shift into the next chapter, we wish more than anything to bless and support you all. You deserve all the time and space you need for as long as you need it. You get to wrestle without judgement or shame. You never have to worry or fret about how you present yourselves to the world. You are safe. And you are loved.

To our 316 family, if you can give financially, please consider doing so. If you can encourage, please do! If you pray, keep up the good work! If you can help meet practical needs, jump on their meal train rotation and provide a hot meal. Thank you, 316, for all you’ve done and continue to do. You all truly wrapped your arms around Carmelo and his family. Time and time again I was humbled by how deeply connected so many of you were to him. Frequent calls and texts came in about his well-being. You’ve been committed in prayer and giving. Every week, as we shared updates and pictures, a deep bond was developing and it was beautiful. We, as a congregation, learned of his passing just moments before service started that Sunday morning. What followed was something we’ve never experienced before. Such a consuming wave of grief came over the entire place and the whole church just stopped to hold each other and weep. We had all invested so much faith into his healing. We confidently stood in agreement with his parents for a miracle. It felt like a defeating blow, and a sting like no other. As we mourned among friends and for our friends, Cam and I were absolutely filled with a deep reverence and respect for this church family. We’ve loved Carlos & Elena for 15 years, but you had only known of them for several months. The love you felt for them was palpable. I didn’t know people could love that sincerely, that genuinely. I didn’t know that kind of love existed in the world. It was a revelation. Tears flow as I write this, the power of that revelation has been life altering. And we love you all more because of it. Thank you seems too weak of an expression to describe our gratitude for each one of you.

Personally, I’ve never grieved any loss like this one. Just a few days after the passing of Carmelo, Cam and I had to leave for Arizona to celebrate the wedding of our dear friends. I had never experienced being so torn. Of course, I wanted to go. But I didn’t want to go. My heart was bound to the Casanova’s. The pain was overwhelming. We had been looking forward to this trip for a year. Our teenage girls were going with us and it was going to be the first 4 days ever, spent between just the four of us. No interruptions from younger siblings, no other distractions. Just mom, dad and the big girls. We all needed it, and were so thankful for the opportunity. But it was suddenly so hard to go. About 24 hours after arriving in Tucson, Cam gently asked me if I could try to be more present with them. I didn’t realize how consuming the grief was. This is a brand-new lesson for me. In my love and compassion, I wanted to make this all better for my friends. And even though I know I don’t have the power to do that, my impulses were getting the best of me. I wasn’t completely prepared for what God told me the second day of our trip…”Let Go. Let go and trust Me, I’m big enough to hold them.” In all of the dark places I’ve been, this seemed to be the hardest thing to trust Him with yet. I was really wrestling myself. I was disappointed and angry, so many things. This is so hard to understand. Yes, I know all the comforting scriptures. And I even believed my theology to be really solid. But this was still hard to understand. When He whispered again, “Let Go,” it came like a sudden relief. He revealed in an instant how tightly I was holding on, without the power to produce any results. And in one big, beautiful moment, I remembered, He. Is. Good. He doesn’t operate outside of goodness. Nothing had ever rocked this foundation I stood on before quite like this. I’m trying Lord…we’re all trying. But thank you, thank you, thank you for reminding me of your goodness.

We left for St Louis to visit Carmelo and his parents on the Friday before his passing. My mother, Julie, stopped with Cam and I to pray for Carmelo and for safe travels before we got on the road. The minute she began praying I immediately saw a vision. Jesus was standing over Carmelo. He was massaging and rubbing His heart, working on it with His very own hands. He was enthusiastic as He concentrated on what He was doing. After what seemed like a few minutes, He lifted Carmelo’s heart out of his chest and extended it as far into the sky that His hand could hold. Carmelo’s heart turned from a heart of flesh into a heart of gold, and it immediately began to illuminate. Carmelo’s heart shined so brightly, you couldn’t even look upon it. As we finished praying I was so thankful for this picture. After months of praying and trusting, I finally had something I could hold on to and was so encouraged in my spirit. As I think about that vision now, I’m wrecked by the kindness of God. The way He chooses to communicate with us is wrapped in so much love and marked with goodness. Although my own understanding fails me, I can rest in His goodness. And I’m convinced that’s a good enough starting point.

Oh sweet Melo, we thank you and honor you for your courage and bravery. Your life was a shining gift and you taught us valuable lessons we desperately needed. In your weakness you exuded strength. You fought like a champion your whole entire life. We, with your parents, find comfort and celebrate your freedom and the joy you’re saturated in. You deserve the Kingdom, and now it’s yours. We love you now and forever, and can’t wait to spend eternity with you.

Carmelo Brentlee Casanova

6/9/2005-4/22/18